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Recently a young lady who has been a member at my church for a number of years got pregnant by one of the deacons- She was serving as an Usher and was asked to step down. Because of the way she was ostracized by the ministry staff and members, she eventually left the church- However, the deacon (who happened to be married) was never dealt with as far as I know. This has really bothered me and has made me also want to leave. I want to go to my Pastor to address it but I want to do it “decently and in order.” How should I approach him?
Yes you need to talk with your Pastor about this. Call his office and ask to meet with him since it probably will not be a convenient time after church when he is interacting with other members. Be very honest about how you feel. Keep in mind, he will probably not share with you, nor should he, the specifics of how either person has been dealt with. However, he should give you some indication of why both persons were not sat down if indeed the usher was. Whatever the outcome, you should not leave your church unless you are directed by God. There are many opportunities for offense in our church life, but God wants us to approach these challenges and obstacles with faith in him and not man, even Pastors. In my many years as a Pastor, I have had others to approach me of concerns of how a female member has been treated differently in comparison to a male member for committing the same sin. In Jesus time, this double standard also existed among religious folk. However, Jesus responded compassionately and with forgiveness toward the women in these situations, such as, “Woman, go and sin no more.” I think our ministry leaders should learn from the examples demonstrated by Jesus in the Bible. The Bible is very clear on the subject of adultery as a sin, but God’s main concern is for people, male and female, to be restored. The examples that Jesus demonstrated in dealing with sin should be used as a guide to help leaders to govern the church correctly.
Pastor Wanda Hawkins
Eleventh Hour Call Church